SERENITY IV

mix media on canvas

24" x 36" x 3 pcs


artwork submitted for
The Johor 2009 Tampak Art Competition
to exhibit at Johor Art Gallery.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I love the beach and time away on the beach is a perfect holiday for me. The sand, big waves, sunny sunshine and warm breeze, is a gift to the human kind from the All Mighty Allah.

A day spent on the beach is a true blessing.

Serenity the series was inspired by the marking left behind by little crabs, finding their way from shore back to the sea during a recent holiday at Desaru, Kota Tinggi.

As we the human kind, find our way back or forth, we too do leave markings…be it good or bad.

Serenity the series, has the beach sand and the markings the way, I saw it.

SEAFARER

acrylic on canvas
48" x 36"
artwork submitted forThe Johor 2009 Tampak Art Competition
to exhibit at Johor Art Gallery.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

As I surfed the Hutan Bandar Artist Commnity blogspot, I came across the Johor Art Gallery’s art competition. I was eager to participate but was clueless on what to present.

I wanted my final piece to tell a story about Johor, as Johor is a place I hold close to my heart-though a specific theme was not required by the esteemed organizer.

In Kuala Lumpur, where I am based, time flies without me even realizing it. I am a self-employed interior designer who is passionate about painting.

Johor is a place for me, where I get to unwind. A place where I shop, spend half a day enjoying the tender relaxing treatments in the Spas and enjoy delicious variety of mouth-watering dishes and just do nothing in particular-lazing around and clearing my mind from my daily tight schedule.

I learnt about the seafarers and how they came about in the development of Johor, and this is what inspired me. This is how I describe Johor,... the map of my life.

A place, a destination, a company,
With guaranteed warmth and lots of love
Where times fly with joy and laughter…

EPIPHANY I

mix media on canvas

30" x 40"

artwork submitted for Artriangle 2010
to exhibit at National Art Gallery, Kuala Lumpur.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A revelatory manifestation and loosely it means a sudden insight.

A million thanks to Z. Syah for all your comments, ideas and time spent while completing this artwork. And of course recommending the Epiphany song by Chrisette Michele which I name this piece after, has been played while making this piece.

HYPNOTISM II

acrylic on canvas
36" x 48"

artwork submitted for
Open Art Exhibition Pesta Pulau Pinang 2009
and was picked among the 69 chosen art pieces
from the 154 submitted art pieces
Theme "Muzik Menerusi Spektrum Seni"
to exhibit at Penang State Art Gallery.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

And this one inspired by one of the song in this movie – Ode to Joy, 9th Symphony. And yes, the letter from Ludwig Van Beethoven to his Immortal Beloved.

My angel, my all, my other half…

Just a few words today, and that in pencil… Yours.

Only tomorrow will I know for certain where I am to stay.

A worthless waste of time and such.

Why is deep sorrow?

If we could be united, we would feel this pain no longer.

Where I am, you are with me too.

Soon we shall live together and what a life it will be.

The journey was dreadful.

I did not arrive here until 4 in the morning.

At the last stop,

they warned me against traveling at night

and tried to frighten me about a forest

but that only tempted me.

The coach had to go and break down

on such terrible road for no reason.

Just a country road…

And now I am held up completely

but I have found another.

And we will surely see one another soon.

Today, I hope.

I have to see you.

How ever much you love me, I love you more.

Never hide yourself from me.

While still in my bed, my thoughts turns to you.

My immortal beloved.

Some of them happy… Some sad.

Waiting to see whether fate will hear us.

I can live completely with you or not at all.

Yes, it must be.

I must go to sleep now.

Be calm, Love.

Today, yesterday, what longing with tears for you.

You, you’re my life.

My everything.

Farewell then, go on loving me.

Ever yours,
Ever mine,
Forever.

HYPNOTISM I

acrylic on canvas
40" x 50"
artwork submitted for
Pertandingan Senilukis Terbuka Pulau Pinang 2009
Theme "Muzik Menerusi Spektrum Seni"
to exhibit at Balai Seni Lukis Pulau Pinang.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I’ve read an entry regarding the art competition by Balai Seni Lukis Pulau Pinang in one of blog that I followed. Was so eager to join but I have not been painting for quite a while now. It’s been almost 3 months! And the theme for this competition is Music. I think that is not too difficult cuz I love music and most of my artworks inspired by songs.

Tadaa!!! This piece was inspired by the movie that I watched recently with my dear friend at home, its called Immortal Beloved. I’ve watched this movie for hundreds of time, I think. I love Beethoven’s music and yes, the choice of words in this movie. It’s beautiful. Well, I might be bias as I am known as a hopeless romantic person *blush*

Music is a dreadful thing…

What is it? I don’t understand.

What does it do?

It exalts the soul…

Utter nonsense.
If you hear a marching band,
is your soul exalter?
No, you march!
If you hear a waltz, you dance.
If you hear a mass, you take communion.

It is the power of music.
To carry one,
directly into the mental state of the composer.
The listener had no choice.
It is like hypnotism!

TORRENT III

acrylic on canvas
40" x 50"
artwork submitted for Pameran Terbuka 2009
and was picked among the 171 chosen art pieces
from the 381 submitted art pieces
to exhibit at Galeri Shah Alam, Yayasan Seni Selangor.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, it's done! I'm finally satisfied with this piece. Notice the signature on it? Yes?! I only sign all my pieces once it's done - means no more changes or additional stroke or what-so-ever. Compared to the previous one, I've added the melting wax on top of it with Bebear's scented candle that she got for e last year from Ikea Singapore. Which now makes this artwork heavier compared to before and of course nicer smell! Varnish the circular image.Oh ya, the additional smoke and watermark around it too! I'm so glad that it's done way before the closing date, which is on the May 29, 2009. I must say that this is my most favorite piece and not planning to sell it unless someone willing to pay the price I've quoted. Not quite ready to be parted with this yet...

Plan to send it on Friday. I have a good vibes on this piece. I think Torrent III gonna make it to be display at the gallery and hoping to won the 'Incentive Award' of RM1,000.0 as well. Insya-Allah. My only worries is will it be taken care properly and can it fit my Envee? Hmmm...

"Take What You Take"

A picture paints a thousand words,
As one door closes, another door opens,
And two wrongs don't make a right
Now good things come to those who wait,
Take the highs with the lows dear,
You'll get what your given and everything's gonna be alright.

What the fuck do you know?
Just cos you're old you think your wise,
But who the hell are you though,
I didn't even ask for your advice
You wanna keep your mouth shut,
You wanna take your thoughts elsewhere,
Cos you're doing in my nut,
And do you think I care?

Say what you say, Do what you do,
Feel what you feel, As long as it's real.
I said take what you take and give what you give
Just be what you want, Just as long as it's real.

Now by a horse, I once was told
That all that glitters is not gold
And all that is to fear is fear itself.
This horsey also told me,
I should keep my friends close but my enemies closer,
So as to protect myself.

RETROSPECTIVELY I

mix media on canvas
20" x 30"

July 2009 - RM 500.00 SOLD
to Puan Lita Zainuddin,
Putrajaya, Wilayah Persekutuan, Malaysia.

------------------------------------------------------------

Another letter received - The Scarlet Letter i call it. My heart stop while reading this, my mind tried to translate it into some images, vividly with some colors involved but mainly red. Maybe there's lots of red and blodd word in it. Or just how I interpreted it. I don't know. So, i started with this piece. At first, it was all red and black but as i read it repeatedly and understand it better, it's not as 'dark' as i thought it was... i think. I could be wrong but again, that's just my interpretation.



Retrospectively. Written at 245 pm 10/2/09.

My heart is burning in my chest. There is an old happiness I can’t get to purging itself from me, getting caught in my throat, making me lurch. I am working. And that makes me think of all the so many who can’t let out the cries they need to in order to just let it go. I wish I could hide in the bathroom for a half an hour and sob into my arms. I think maybe I am supposed to see a lesson in all of this love. The backbone of us is twisted. The balance is thrown off. I can’t keep fighting my heart away for something that will let me keep on fighting forever. I want to feel good. And I’m pretty good at doing that alone...but you are so vivid. And alive. Red.

So here goes… writing from what is left of my heart.

RETROSPECTIVELY II

mix media on canvas
20" x 30"

going for auction, starting price at RM250!
April 2010 - RM263 SOLD

to Cik Siti Mahiran Abdul Hadi,
Wilayah Persekutuan, Malaysia.

------------------------------------------------------------

So here goes… writing from what is left of my heart.

I got scared.
So I called your phone too many times.
My head isn’t straight these days.
I’ve been busy carving walls out of anger.
Scratching letters in the red, wishing they were the love kind.

I had these wings once and I swear
now it’s like all the paper weight
often turns the feathers into the wrong words.
I swear now it’s like all the people's games
often turns the wind into an argument.

But honest...
I trust you like the god above me.
Like the god above me.
And I was scared.
Because what if you
were curled up on the side of a highway
holding your phone, paralyzed.
An accident, a crime.
What if.

What if a phone ringing
could pull you out of unconsciousness
if you were hurt badly, and losing grip?
What if.

What if I’m a lonely person?
What if I miss you when you're gone?
What if I make mistakes?
What if I treat you wrong...
I have always been grandiose.

But these fictional possibilities cross my mind
when there is silence.
And I get scared to think the past
is all I have of knowing you.

RETROSPECTIVELY III

mix media on canvas
20" x 30"

Nov 2009 artwork submitted for Art for Aids (AFA)
Theme "Fighting Aids with Art"

------------------------------------------------------------

And finally, I stopped. The last piece completed once I have the gold paint. It just strike my mind that this poem, pouring out the scared of losing someone. Above all the troubles, headaches and dramas... It's a magical experience for one to be with another one, a precious moment that need to be shared.

Zillion thanks to this person for not ashamed to pour it out and share this piece with me.

REMNANCE I

color markers on canvas
8" x 15"

Nov 2009 artwork submitted for Art for Aids (AFA)
Theme "Fighting Aids with Art"
personal collection,

Ms Jassmine Shadiqe,

Johor Bahru, Malaysia.

------------------------------------------------------------

hurt...
yelling, screaming, bruised and bleeding
never leaving memories of your hate.

hate...
not good enough subject to your rage
constant beatings damaged spirit
self-conscious always searching
constantly loathing
too fat, too ugly
shattered soul, emotions hidden, locked from everyone
walls built high waiting for that one to enter.

love...
care, compassion
knight in shining armour holding me close
too far away, distance testing my strength
playing with fate
a lonely girl tears falling.

cry...
nothing left to do
curl in a ball, shed tears
because I'm hurt

sigh...
the chain of events in my life.

VIVID III

mix media on canvas
30" x 40"

Nov 2009 artwork submitted for Art for Aids (AFA)
Theme "Fighting Aids with Art"

-------------------------------------------------------------

I received this letter last week, one day before Valentine's Day. While reading it, this images comes to my head. I whispered to myself, thought provoking!!! For the sender and me, the receiver. Guess what?! When 'The Sender' saw this piece, no question, no word, nothing came out, no comment, nada... Didn't say anything about it then until the very next morning when i received sms from The Sender and exact word for what The Sender think of my artwork is Thought Provoking! I'm so surprise. We shared the same exact sentiments towards each other stuff. Interpretation of The Sender words from me and my artwork from what The Sender wrote... And this artwork based on words below... Thank you for this letter and I hope you don't mind I post and share it here in my entry.

Desire is first and foremost a wound.
and i looked at her and the part of my chest over my heart I punched.
and i have been thinking about this idea since it left my head..
and entered my wondering mind.

i've been so quiet today. when there are moments for things to be said, i feel i have nothing to say. I am blank currently after what had happened and I don’t really know if that is good or bad but I told myself again about the manifesto I am planning to write very soon. How I want to write about love, somehow capturing within words the poisoning effect the representation of romance in society has had on me, and everyone else that I know, struggling to feel complete. I have always believed in love, always believed in romance too and a couple of days ago, like a heat wave I felt something huge release from inside of me and what was left only made me sad. what was left was a feeling of abandonment because a couple of days ago I realized in one moment that I was slowly losing grip on an ideal I have believed in since I first started learning what it was for two people to be in love and I first learned that when I was very small. so now, all grown up and still a child of some faraway place, when the thought enters my mind that maybe all these years I was wrong about love, I feel like I’ve lost myself all over again. Like the way I would watch my bruises develop for 12 years, that kind of loss. Except this time I am finding that what was there wasn't something at all, it was the illusion of something that never existed. Really?

I wanted the paintings of love, the bowls of fruit full of love, the charcoal drawings of love, the clay, and the hands. I wanted to grow up so I could fit like a puzzle piece with someone and what I mean by all this is, I wanted someone to love me, as I love them. i remember the day when the motivational speaker in the auditorium had said, "you can be anything when you grow up, so, what do YOU want to be?" and I would sit in my room alone and thinking so hard about what I wanted. What did I want? What was I, first of all? And how was I supposed to figure out why I might want anything at all? And I got lost in all of my questions. The biggest was me and the only answer I could ever find, even as someone still too short to get the bowls down from the cabinet for my morning cereal was that I knew I could love, and that was all I knew. Truly.

And now I know, some of us are meant to love. Meant for it, and it meant for them. I’m one of those kinds, I think maybe you are too and I think maybe we should all forget about everything else we've ever learned, stop worrying about whatever it is we worry about and just love. Just get back to just loving, then the world can take a deep breath, kiss with its eyes closed and we can begin to live like artwork again. Instead of all of this confusion we have nowadays...

and anyway, I’ve been waiting for you.

and as always, I’m always writing to a you and the you that I write to is always unattainable, just like the illusion of all those perfectly happy couples in the movies because I don’t know anyone personally whose parents are exemplary. Even my own. And I have never had a relationship last. I don't think I’ve ever been taught to trust that love does last in so many forms. It dwindles away when time takes the breath out of bodies, takes our life away slowly. It torments when the time becomes a waiting line, when the you that I write to can’t find the words to love, find the movement to love, find the hands, the lips, the confidence. It disappears when I can’t stop growing. The more I learn about all the ways people are marked by their bodies and divided into compartmentalized categories which language constructs around difference, I see how hard it is to actually feel connected to the things and people around us. We all see differently. you see differently too, even though you don't know how to tell about it and I am here and you are there, somewhere, believing in love so much that you would stop it from happening altogether just to keep it safe. And I think the whole world isn't safe. And I think love, the way I’ve learned it, isn't safe. And I think maybe someday I can love everything in a way that is safe, but that everyday I get closer to having absolutely nothing to say.

So every time I close my eyes I will thank god for the space without pain that comes from behind closed eyes because the instant I awaken, the love I have for you wants to crawl from my chest and speak out loud to tell you of its presence. It wants to come out of my eyes, from the tips of my fingertips. It wants to move my feet, my arms. When I open my eyes, the world does not make any sense. The way we have learned to believe in straight lines. The way we think we know how progression should happen. The terms we've become accustomed to living by. I need to do this and I need to do this and I need to do this and I need... I need... I need... before love could ever happen. I need. Confidence, check. Independence, check. Eloquence, check. My own apartment, check. College degree, check. Money in the back account, check. Friends, who aren’t a waste of time, check. Self love, check. Courage.... courage, check. Checks check check. You want to be somebody, forgetting that you already are. And I want to be somebody to you, somebody close. Somebody every morning. Somebody right now.

And now I am simply in love. And I am in love with you. I want the world to know that too. That you already have my heart. You are beginning to have my soul. And somehow despite the multitude of courage I got scared.

VIVID II

mix media on canvas
30" x 40"

Aug 2008 - RM 3,500 SOLD

to Dr Norhamizan Hamzah,

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever hurt someone you loved most so bad till you can’t even forgive yourself??? I had and I did… And I regret it. How could I be so cruel and mean? How could i? What’s on my mind when I did that? I don’t know… I just lost it and there’s nothing I can do to undo it. Sigh…

May be it’s best I let her go? Should i? But should I make that decision without asking what she think or want? Will I be selfish for making that decision without even asking her??? Well, I don’t think anybody would want to be with me ever again after what has been said and done… Should I ask for another chance? Do I deserve one after all I’ve said and done? Aghhh! I really don’t know what to do now.

I can even afford to think seeing her again after what I did last night. Too embarrass, too guilty, too much! How should I face her? Let alone to look her in the eye like how I used to do before? I don’t know… I just don’t know what to do.

Can I hug her, kiss her and hold her like how I used to do? Cuz I love doing that… She fits my arms perfectly and she always said that it fit like a perfect puzzle piece. Sigh… Absent is unfair.

May be I should let her to decide. To leave or to stay… Cuz I know, I should be punish! In any way, it is like a punishment to me. If she leave, it served me right. I blew it off! I let my anger took place when I said numerous times of love and even claim that I love her too much! Why do I do that to someone who gave her heart, soul and trust to me when I’m all along asking from God for someone to loves me back? Sigh… I screw it up, I know. Well, if she stay… I’ll be forever scared to say I love you ever again cuz i might taking advantage of hurting her again? Will I be able to look her in the eye and said those precious words and mean it?

I don’t know what to do now…
I just don’t know.

But one thing I do know, I won’t be the same anymore until I can forgive myself again… Until I can look in her eyes and say I love her and I want to be with her without feeling guilty again… Mean time, I just wait for her decision. Let everything else but me be the judge of it. Let the fate and destiny lead the path. I'll just wait for my punishments...

VIVID I

mix media on canvas
30" x 40"


Nov 2009 artwork submitted for Art for Aids (AFA)
Theme "Fighting Aids with Art"
Aug 2008 - RM 3,500 SOLD

to Dr Norhamizan Hamzah,

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Something happened today, i sat in front of my computer and begun to reflect myself. This song played in my mind on and on until i finally decided to put it on my Itunes on repeat mode and reaching for my canvases, brushes and colours...

Its been a while since my last 'distraction' where i buried myself into my canvass and let all the brushes and colours do the talking. That explain why I'm not at peace lately and the way i react to reaction on certain matters. My mind were crazy, chaos, raging, exploding and every where while I'm on this piece but i love the end result.

A little secret to share, there no light except from 3 candles that i'm using on this piece. So, when I on the light once it's done... Wowee! I loves the results!!!

Zillion thanks to Dr N Hamzah for such an inspiration, loves, trust and faith.

"Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blind and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right,
Took your soul out into the night,
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind but then I knew it,
My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.