RETROSPECTIVELY I

mix media on canvas
20" x 30"

July 2009 - RM 500.00 SOLD
to Puan Lita Zainuddin,
Putrajaya, Wilayah Persekutuan, Malaysia.

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Another letter received - The Scarlet Letter i call it. My heart stop while reading this, my mind tried to translate it into some images, vividly with some colors involved but mainly red. Maybe there's lots of red and blodd word in it. Or just how I interpreted it. I don't know. So, i started with this piece. At first, it was all red and black but as i read it repeatedly and understand it better, it's not as 'dark' as i thought it was... i think. I could be wrong but again, that's just my interpretation.



Retrospectively. Written at 245 pm 10/2/09.

My heart is burning in my chest. There is an old happiness I can’t get to purging itself from me, getting caught in my throat, making me lurch. I am working. And that makes me think of all the so many who can’t let out the cries they need to in order to just let it go. I wish I could hide in the bathroom for a half an hour and sob into my arms. I think maybe I am supposed to see a lesson in all of this love. The backbone of us is twisted. The balance is thrown off. I can’t keep fighting my heart away for something that will let me keep on fighting forever. I want to feel good. And I’m pretty good at doing that alone...but you are so vivid. And alive. Red.

So here goes… writing from what is left of my heart.