Wednesday, 11 February 2009


mix media on canvas
30" x 40"

Aug 2008 - RM 3,500 SOLD
to Dr Norhamizan Hamzah,
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.


Have you ever hurt someone you loved most so bad till you can’t even forgive yourself??? I had and I did… And I regret it. How could I be so cruel and mean? How could i? What’s on my mind when I did that? I don’t know… I just lost it and there’s nothing I can do to undo it. Sigh…

May be it’s best I let her go? Should i? But should I make that decision without asking what she think or want? Will I be selfish for making that decision without even asking her??? Well, I don’t think anybody would want to be with me ever again after what has been said and done… Should I ask for another chance? Do I deserve one after all I’ve said and done? Aghhh! I really don’t know what to do now.

I can even afford to think seeing her again after what I did last night. Too embarrass, too guilty, too much! How should I face her? Let alone to look her in the eye like how I used to do before? I don’t know… I just don’t know what to do.

Can I hug her, kiss her and hold her like how I used to do? Cuz I love doing that… She fits my arms perfectly and she always said that it fit like a perfect puzzle piece. Sigh… Absent is unfair.

May be I should let her to decide. To leave or to stay… Cuz I know, I should be punish! In any way, it is like a punishment to me. If she leave, it served me right. I blew it off! I let my anger took place when I said numerous times of love and even claim that I love her too much! Why do I do that to someone who gave her heart, soul and trust to me when I’m all along asking from God for someone to loves me back? Sigh… I screw it up, I know. Well, if she stay… I’ll be forever scared to say I love you ever again cuz i might taking advantage of hurting her again? Will I be able to look her in the eye and said those precious words and mean it?

I don’t know what to do now…
I just don’t know.

But one thing I do know, I won’t be the same anymore until I can forgive myself again… Until I can look in her eyes and say I love her and I want to be with her without feeling guilty again… Mean time, I just wait for her decision. Let everything else but me be the judge of it. Let the fate and destiny lead the path. I'll just wait for my punishments...

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