SERENDIPITY I

acrylic on canvas
36” x 36” x 2 pcs


Nov 2006 - Jan 2007 displayed at Baiti's Restaurant
36 Jalan Persiaran Zaaba, Taman Tun Dr Ismail, Kuala Lumpur.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

i always feel like a freak because i'm never able to move on like normal people... some of them just by a second!. people just have an affair or even entire relationships. they break up and they forget!. they move on like they would have change brands of cereals...

i feel, i was never able to forget anyone i've been with... because each person had their own specific qualities. you can never replace anyone... what's lost is lost!... each relationship, when it's ends... really damages me. i never, never once fully recover. that's why i should be very and extremely careful with getting involved because it's hurts too much!!!...

i appreciate little things... i mean really little---little things. sometimes too little to be notice but i did. it's the same with people. i see their little details, so specific to each of them that move me and that i miss and will always miss... that's why no one can replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details.

lately, i wonder... am i ready for another relationship? is it because of i'm tired being alone? is it because of i've got nothing better else to do? nothing really can fill my time and my mind? am i really up for another venture? am i ready for another temporary happy moments? am i ready to get hurts? am i ready to share the burden? will i be ready to share good and bad news with someone else? will i treat that person right? will that person treat me right? will it be only filled with tears, like always? will it be a laugh, which very rare in my case? is it for eternity? is it only temporary like rainbows that will only shows up after the rain and gone while i'm still admiring and enjoying it? i wonder... and keep wondering...

i do want to have to someone that i can look up to. i do want someone to cherish and witness my days comes and goes by. but i know that i never have luck in this department. it always ends bad and destroyed me. i think i had enough of that and want to stay away from it. cuz nothing is permanent, nothing is eternity, nothing is bright, and i don't want to suffer again and again and again... as much as i want it, i know i can't allow it to happen...and i know, deep in my heart...

...i'm not ready yet!